nutritionalhumor

Finally someone who is talking some sense!!!

It may have been a Chinese doctor who gave these answers to questions that were asked, with a sense of nutritionalhumor thrown in. And if it wasn't, still enjoy, have a smile or laugh at the humor of nutrition, diets and what you eat or don't.

Remember, You are what you eat and you look it! A little bit of nutritionalhumor, if it's OK with you?

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product. Ice Cream even better - everything Cow eats in one package!

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. All people who don't drink unhappy - happy people live longer so drink more. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of single one, sorry. More people killed running on street than lying on couch. My philosophy is: No pain...good! Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: What about food additives? A: You want to complain about something for free? If it added - must be better - like fuel additive! Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!" AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.

Smile when you read this!!

Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.

I think the FDA has something to do with this

The doctor took his patient into his office and said, "I have some good news and some bad news." The patient said, "Give me the good news." The doctor said, "They're going to name a disease after you."

I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes.

The advantage of exercising everyday is that you die healthier.